I wish I had people around that understands what it is that I deal with every day.  Between the adoption, my other kids, working, and a bunch of other stuff – I barely have time to sit down and relax.  And the one time I have a day to myself – no work, no kids – nothing, I’m told that I’m irresponsible because I want to take a nap. 

I’m exhausted physically and emotionally.  Not like I was back in the beginning of all of this, but it still hits me hard every so often.  But no one realizes that.  I always say that they won’t understand what it feels like to have a hole in your heart.  No one will understand how you long to hold a child close to you when you can’t.  I’ve had a few people tell me that they’ve noticed a change in me lately.  Not sure how since every time someone comes in contact with me, they get the same person.  Maybe I’m giving off a vibe that I’m not aware of?  I don’t know. 

I just hope that one day soon I’m able to move forward without having a whole bunch of emotions running through me.  As the saying goes “this too shall pass.”